Faith, Fusion, ABCD, Cultural "Norms", it’s time to CHANGE!

I’m American, I was born and raised in the Bay Area, California, and NYC, however, anyone who sees me because of my brown skin and my “non-traditional” “American” name assumes I’m from India. My parents are from India, I was born in the USA, love my name which means MUSIC in Sanskrit, and am proud of it.

I never give a “white” name at Starbucks because it’s easier to pronounce, learn my name we live in a melting pot AMERICA! Make an effort to be INCLUSIVE. (plus I ain’t got no accents in my name, very easy to pronounce )

This is the same issue many children of immigrants face if they don’t have light skin, light eyes, and a “white” name. We always have to prove our “Americaness” or our “Ethnic Identity” over and over again and honestly, it’s just EXHAUSTING. One can never be “Indian” “Chinese” “Arab” “Peurto Rican” or “Bolivian” (Insert whatever nationality/country you want here) enough in communities coming from those countries, OR “American” enough in “White” America. I HATE the word “ETHNIC” which needs to be removed from the English language! Ethnic literally describes anyone who is not white! HOW RUDE!

I’m very proud of my heritage and proud to be the child of immigrants who worked very hard to give me the best life in the USA. The world assumes all Indians are Hindus, practice yoga, watch Bollywood, and eat samosas. WRONG! I wish that the world would understand that India is a country that is like 200+ countries put into one, with so many cultures all unique and distinctive from each other! It is extremely diverse with 5000+ spoken languages and every religion/faith on the planet is practiced there. I am a South Indian, Tamil (language), Hindu (faith) American.

NOTE: I am writing from personal experience as an Indian / Tamil / Hindu American woman. I am sick/tired of folks confusing “Indian culture/communities/society” with the FAITH of Hinduism.

I always found solace, peace, and understanding in my faith of Hinduism though I grew up in a chaotic/mishmash often contradicting Indian/American culture and society. For example, I never understood why “South Indian” American women were made to feel ashamed to date, go to school dances, date/marry folks of other races, wear tank tops, bikinis, etc.

The “chosen Indian American path” was to go to an Ivy League school, become a doctor, lawyer, or finance person marry a dude who was also in one of those professions (preferably a dude your parents introduced you to) pop out some kids, buy a nice house/car all before the age of 30. I mean WTF? Anxiety/pressure much? I always questioned all of the above and realized all those ideas stemmed from society NOT faith.

Look at any Hindu Temple carving (present-day or ancient), the sculptures are barely wearing any clothing (it’s hot as hell in India, especially down south), so why body shame women for wearing tank tops/bikinis in this day and age (check out Hindu Temple carvings, they wore ornately embroidered crop tops or nothing at all!) when the ancients were very comfortable showing skin! And note these carvings come from houses of worship, not decorations on houses, palaces, etc.

I understand that with puritanism/colonization of South Asia, women and societies, in general, were told to cover up and made to feel ashamed. BUT Hinduism is the oldest living faith tradition in the world, back in the day before colonization/ invasions, folks had no problems showing skin, the human body was considered beautiful, sacred, and a gift from the divine. This can be seen in beautiful Hindu sculptures in temples, the way murtis (sacred statues of the deities made for worship in a temple) are carved, and a countless number of other examples in Hindu Art History.

I went to Parsons School of Design (only Hindu/Indian there), and work in fashion/beauty/luxury/museums where the hell am I supposed to find Tamil, Hindu, Brahmin, Iyer, Vegetarian, American (apparently all my identifying markers LOL) folks when I am surrounded by mostly white people and a majority of folks around me eat meat? (all of whom I love btw, I’m deeply grateful for all the amazing folks in my life)

I am sick and tired of American society asking me “Do you have to marry an Indian / Hindu dude”? NO, absolutely not!

In Hinduism (read scriptures people!) there is no concept of arranged marriage. NONE of the major deities had “arranged marriages”. Paravati prayed and won Lord Shiva, Mahalakshmi chose Vishnu, and Ganesha flat out refused to get married. Rama and Krishna (avatars of Lord Vishnu to earth) chose their partners. Those partners came from all walks of life, races, nationalities, etc.

For example, Lord Muruga fell in love and married the tribal/indigenous Goddess Vali, she has more importance than Devesena (Muruga’s first wife) who is the daughter of Lord Indra (thunder/rain). LGBTQI+ communities have full rights in Hinduism, Lord Ayyapa (eternal truth) has two fathers, Lord Shiva and Lord Vishnu.

In fact, Hindu scriptures state one does not have to get married and can renounce worldly life depending on your Dharma. I am a firm believer in Dharma or truth or your chosen path, for me, it’s being a designer/artist, I didn’t take Indian American communities’ “chosen path” as a doctor or lawyer, I chose the path the divine laid out for me NOT society!

Hinduism’s core principle is “Ekam Sat” or all is one, meaning the paths are many but faith is one. Hinduism gives equal rights and acceptance to all faiths and all peoples.

SOCIETY creates stupid rules, divisions, racism, sexism, hate, patriarchy, and bigotry, not FAITH. That shitty show Indian Matchmaking on Netflix is a prime example of a close-minded society NOT Hinduism the faith. I want the western world to understand that show pertains to a select group of folks who believe in that not Indian society as a whole, has NOTHING to do with Hinduism, stop generalizing and spreading stereotypes!

I’m often told that I am “too religious” “impertinent” and “ask too many questions” for a girl, in many Indian / Hindu American communities. What’s wrong with loving God/Divine? I’ve loved going to temples, churches, mosques, etc. since I was a child, in addition to feeling closer to God I love to admire the artistic magic everywhere! Artists who decorate houses of worship pour their heart/soul into their work, you can feel it all around you! The Blue Mosque in Turkey, Brigadeeshwara Temple in Tangore India, and the Sistine Chapel in Vatican City are among my favorites.

I wish Indians (meaning people coming from India to the USA) would be more willing to share and change the way they speak to Indian Americans born and raised in the west. Please stop using hurtful terms like ABCD - American-born confused desi. A lot of us are NOT CONFUSED. We are proud of our heritage, some choose to follow some traditions and others don’t, to each their own, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Some of us don’t identify with “Desi” which comes from the Hindi language meaning anyone who is of South Asian origin. A lot of SOUTH INDIAN Americans I know get massively irritated by the term “Desi” because it is hard for us to identify with the term since we don’t speak/understand Hindi and need English subtitles for Bollywood films like the rest of the western world! The world generalizes/assumes all Indian/Indian American people know the Hindi language NOT TRUE!

Hinduism is the oldest faith in the world yet is the most misunderstood even by those who were born into the faith, perhaps because the way it’s practiced is so diverse and at times not properly explained! I do find diversity admirable because there’s always something new to learn and discover.

Most Indian American Hindus don’t know how to adapt this ancient faith to their American life, that’s why I became a Hindu Chaplain to explain to them and the world how to take the lessons from the Ramayana, Upanishads, Vedas, (ancient scriptures/stories in general), etc. and apply them to your day to day life.

I would always ask the Hindu priests at temples why they poured stuff on Lord Shiva’s head, why they dressed Parvati this way etc. Often I’m chided by aunties/ uncles saying that I am impertinent and shouldn’t be asking questions, that’s just how we have always done things, stop asking questions, Indian women are supposed to be submissive and stay silent blah blah.

WELL I disagree, I got a BIG OL mouth, basically I’m Cardi B in a sari. haha LOL. How the F are Indian American Hindu Kids supposed to appreciate the faith if you don’t explain the spiritual significance behind the rituals??? Understanding leads to appreciation which leads to change and a better world.

I’ve been made to feel like a dumbass at the temple many a time, and it’s frustrating! Once I asked an uncle what is the black stone around Lord Vishnu’s neck. He replied in Tamil (I’m fluent, but find the way aunties/uncles speak the language at times to those who are Tamil American is very rude and dismissive) “How do you not know what this, it’s a Shaligrama from a river in Nepal” I’m thinking to myself how the F would I know that? I don’t have a giant Vishnu statue at my house, or the temple that I grew up attending didn’t dress Vishnu with that kind of necklace. Plus I’m not from India, I was not born and raised there but I’m sure many folks don’t have a clue what that stone is in India!

Many a Hindu priest has said to me “Oh ma can you clean up after this puja or clean that? You’ll get lots of “Puniyam” or blessings from God” - UM God blesses me on a daily basis, and I am grateful for everything, just cause I clean up the mess YOU made doesn’t mean they are going to bless me more LOL.

I don’t mind helping out, I really don’t, but I am sick and tired of men taking advantage of women like this and making them clean up, I never see priests asking dudes to clean up stuff.

It’s this patriarchal bullshit mentality that comes from certain societies/communities but needs to change and adapt to American society which is all about equality. Clean your own shit up. My dad is also a trained priest but when he performs puja he lays out a giant sheet does all his rituals in there and throws it out after he’s done, no mess!

FUNNY thing is that Hinduism gives EQUAL RIGHTS if not more rights to WOMEN. “Shaktism” is the worship of the feminine divine! No male deity is complete without his “Shakti”!

Indian American Hindus are constantly subjected to marriage, pregnancy, weight loss, job, ANNOYING questions in general, etc. by nosy aunties/uncles at Hindu Temples.

This is Indian culture has nothing to do with the Hindu faith. I wish that Hindu Americans would understand this, try and keep their minds/hearts peaceful, shut out the noise, and appreciate what Hindu Temples and faith are. It’s easy to get irritated and leave, harder to explain politely that it ain’t anyone’s business and focus on prayer. Change has to occur or all these temples in the USA are going to turn into museums if the next generation is not properly educated and if they refuse to attend Temple.

I am very lucky that I was raised inside Livermore Temple (my dad is one of the builders) and that I’m trained in Indian Classical music and dance (origins all stem from worship), this training has allowed me to delve deeper into my faith, explore, and inspire my design work. “Hip-hop” “Fusion” Bharatanatyam / Kathak / Odissi etc. I wish the world would understand that all “Indian CLASSICAL Dance Forms” were never for “entertainment” but used to praise the divine. Hindus have a religious text in the Sanskrit language called Nāṭya Śāstra written by sage Bharta Muni about the performing arts written in 200 BC. A fascinating read, it describes movements, music, costumes, art direction, etc.! Indian classical dance takes years of practice, dedication, and skill. I understand with the rise of social media, everyone wants to be a star, get rich/famous quick, and feel “fusion” is the only way to get “likes”. To each their own I guess.

I’m lucky that at Flushing Ganesha Temple the manager Ravi Uncle is kind, compassionate, open-minded, and willing to explain any ritual or scripture. This is because he has been in the USA for many years and takes part in many interfaith initiatives and dialogues. He’s a walking, talking, encyclopedia of Hinduism! You can watch his learning series here (everything is in English): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xse256pCz_s&list=PLmPNPpqUlN3LOjEARSDcr2mW0KHziAHAh

I find it funny that the Indian Community (from India) thinks I am impertinent because I call Ravi Uncle, Ravi Uncle and not by his full title M R Ravi Vaidyanaat Šivãchãriar Sir. That’s a looooonng name, he’s my friend I call him Ravi Uncle. Apparently, you can’t be “friends” with aunties/uncles and have to talk to them in a certain way, I don’t understand this AT ALL, I’m American, he’s my friend, I will always call him Ravi Uncle and he’s not at all “offended”. Cultures can be weird and confusing!

Most of my friends/community at Hindu Temples are aunties, uncles, grandmas, and grandpas I affectionately call them the 70+ crew! Someday more Indian Hindu Americans will attend Hindu Temples in the USA. It’s just going to take some time.

Maybe I am an old soul in a new body (keep it fashion in my Helmut Lang Jeans with IhsanIshan Design on top) who loves Indian Classical Arts and Hinduism. “Old Soul” is part of reincarnation a traditional Hindu belief, the soul takes many births, and learns many lessons before reaching liberation or Moksha!